![](\"https:\/\/1.bp.blogspot.com\/-bA4PWWCcTUs\/XgVIAtJBYjI\/AAAAAAAALXM\/TUGYQTge7s41AjGlWw-cNDCuUcCiFIJQQCLcBGAsYHQ\/s1600\/Really%2BHoly.png\")
<\/a><\/div>\n\nGod can’t lie. The book (okay pamphlet, blog post, or whatever) says so. I God wrote this through my prophet, therefore it contains no lies and completely proves itself. <\/b><\/p>\n
The Earth was created at 12 noon yesterday. Any evidence or memories you have going back before 12 noon yesterday were put there by Satan (or as I like to call him, my horny adversary) and that includes the date on this blog (whatever the date claims it was yesterday at noon, God told me so).<\/span><\/p>\n These are my holy commandments and I expect you fucks to obey.<\/b> Except maybe the first two, they were practice and got left in because I was feeling lazy and I really wanted there to be ten.<\/u><\/i> Also, we aren’t going to do the whole “Hell” thing (so I’m really not sure where that Satan guy mentioned above lives) but you might have to answer to actual human authorities for being a dick, or maybe we will make you stand in a corner for a millennia or two. The point is fear my wrath asshole!<\/p>\n 1) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s fish even if it’s Branzini which is really tasty.<\/span><\/b> My son may or may not be Neil DeGrasse Tyson, but you should really listen to that guy either way. Except about the age of the Earth (because I like already told you that shit). Oh and don’t kill him… that does nothing for me. <\/b> Don’t take any of this on faith. It’s all provable… and if it’s not then be smart enough to stop believing it. M’kay?<\/p>\n Really, seriously don’t covet thy neighbor’s fish.<\/p>\n
\n2) Thou shalt go to a doctor and get that thing looked at. <\/span><\/b>
\n3)Thou shalt not lie, cheat, steal, kill, rape or own other people as fucking property. <\/span><\/b>
\n4) Thou shalt realize there is some leeway with those first four items for the safety, wellbeing, and health of yourself and others but rape and slavery are fucking no-goes all of the time… forever.<\/span><\/b>
\n5) Thou shall get your children fucking vaccinated and take them to the doctor or hospital when sick. I gave you the science, fucking use it. Also if you make fun of the Anti-vaxxers but don’t believe in climate change science, shut the hell up and respect the Earth anyway.<\/span><\/b>
\n6) Thou shalt be as kind as possible to animals, even the food ones for they sustain you, cause them no unnecessary pain. <\/span><\/b>
\n7) Thou shalt be kind to your fellow man and to yourself and when you fail in this you will apologize to them (or yourself), not me! Then actually try not to do it again.<\/span><\/b>
\n8) There is no holy land anywhere ever and the only chosen people are the ones who are truly kind. At the same time treat the land as if it is holy, and no, that doesn’t mean fight over it.<\/span><\/b>
\n9) Thou shalt leave people who are not harming you the fuck alone. This includes LGBTQ people and people with different levels of melatonin in their skin and even people you just don’t fucking like. Side note – this does not mean you have to respect their unproven or delusional beliefs. It doesn’t mean you can’t call them out for crazy shit or stop them from hurting themself or others, you can do all that while still respecting them. <\/span><\/b>
\n10) Don’t be a dick. Also, it’s okay to say fuck, I do it a lot. It’s just a word. <\/span><\/b><\/p>\n
\nOh, and since prophecy will serve to legitimize this shit I predict there are few who will not accept these words until all is fullfilled (and I don’t know what the fuck that means, but someone will interpret it later).<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n