{"id":6,"date":"2023-10-04T14:40:00","date_gmt":"2023-10-04T14:40:00","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"2024-02-14T17:50:25","modified_gmt":"2024-02-14T17:50:25","slug":"the-gospel-of-the-living-dead-matthews-tale-of-the-first-zombies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/averagejoeatheist.com\/?p=6","title":{"rendered":"The Gospel of the Living Dead: Matthew\u2019s Tale of the First Zombies"},"content":{"rendered":"

Betcha most of you didn’t even know this was in your bible.<\/b><\/p>\n

Ah, the Gospel of Matthew, where things get real spooky, real fast! Ever read the end of Matthew 27? It\u2019s a doozy! Picture this: Jesus breathes his last, the earth shakes, rocks split, and tombs break open. And then, hold onto your hats, folks, the dead saints rise from their graves! That\u2019s right, the first-ever zombie apocalypse, brought to you by the New Testament!<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/div>\n

Now, I know what you\u2019re thinking, \u201cZombies? In the Bible? What are they teaching in Sunday School these days?\u201d But it\u2019s all there in black and white, folks! After Jesus\u2019 resurrection, these holy roamers went into the holy city and appeared to many. Talk about a divine plot twist!<\/p>\n

But here\u2019s the kicker \u2013 this undead cameo is exclusive to Matthew! Mark, Luke, John? Nada! Not a peep about the saintly zombies. It\u2019s like Matthew was the Quentin Tarantino of Gospel writers, adding a dash of the undead to spice things up!<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/div>\n
The Bible doesn’t say it was like this, <\/div>\n
but then again, it doesn’t say it wasn’t like this either.<\/div>\n

So, what\u2019s the deal with these biblical walkers? Were they groaning and looking for brains? Or were they just popping by to say \u201cShalom\u201d and freak out the locals? The Gospel leaves us hanging, folks! It\u2019s like a cliffhanger ending in a season finale \u2013 will there be a sequel? Zombie Saints: The Return!<\/p>\n

And let\u2019s not forget the theological head-scratcher this poses. I mean, if you\u2019re a saint, you\u2019re supposed to be chilling in paradise, right? So, what\u2019s with the detour back to the land of the living? Were they on a divine mission, or did they just miss the falafel?<\/p>\n

But, alas, the other Gospels don\u2019t back up Matthew\u2019s zombie tale. And neither do any other historians of the time. Kind of something you’d expect more than one person to write about. It\u2019s a solo act, a one-Gospel wonder! It makes you wonder \u2013 was it a divine revelation or just a case of the holy brain munchies?<\/p>\n

In the end, whether you believe in the Gospel of the Living Dead or not, it\u2019s a tale for the ages! So, next time you\u2019re watching a zombie flick, remember \u2013 Matthew did it first!<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/div>\n
Of course, we all know that a couple days later Jesus zombies out also.<\/div>\n

<\/p>\n

The End?<\/b><\/span><\/div>\n

Until the Dead Sea Scrolls reveal Zombie Saints: Apocalypse Now\u2026 Keep your Bibles and brains close, folks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Betcha most of you didn’t even know this was in your bible. Ah, the Gospel of Matthew, where things get real spooky, real fast! Ever read the end of Matthew 27? It\u2019s a doozy! Picture this: Jesus breathes his last, the earth shakes, rocks split, and tombs break open. And then, hold onto your hats, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":58,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[26,27,25,24,18,20,23,21,22,19],"tags":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/averagejoeatheist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/averagejoeatheist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/averagejoeatheist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/averagejoeatheist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/averagejoeatheist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/averagejoeatheist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":62,"href":"https:\/\/averagejoeatheist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6\/revisions\/62"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/averagejoeatheist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/58"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/averagejoeatheist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/averagejoeatheist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/averagejoeatheist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}